A Lover of the Unloved

   The other night, I awoke from an unforgettable dream. The dream took place in a very poor hospital in a third world country. There was a young, sickly girl giving labor. When she gave birth, the little girl came out premature, and covered with sores. There was not a chance that this little girl would live especially with the lack of good health care. The mother of the young girl giving birth quickly placed the baby on the other side of the room in fear of getting her daughter sick. As soon as the child was set down on the table, I rushed over and gathered her into my arms. For the only hour of her life, I held her, sang to her, and prayed that this little girl would go straight back to her Fathers arms. I was helpless, but I could love.

   I couldn't shake the reality of that dying baby girl. I began to talk to God about what that dream meant. And I realized that God has called and is preparing me for doing things of that nature. Giving love to the ones who would live their entire lives, no matter the length, without love. I am not a doctor, I am not a politician, I am not a person of great influence, BUT I am a daughter of the King. And being that has taught me what real love is!

    Abba, You are good! We are unworthy of Your love and yet you lavish it on us! Daddy, I just want you. I look at this world and my heart breaks from all the pain and hurt; I cant even imagine how You feel. But I want too. I want to know Your heart. Teach my heart to love like You do and make me strong enough to do it. I cant do this without You and I definitely dont even want to try. Fill me up God, I am desperate for more of You. Amen. 

    

My Savior Sings!

   Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. He took ALL of our sins upon Himself and allowed Himself to be shamed, beaten, and hung up on a cross. Why? Because He loves me!
   I feel like I take this story for granted, because it is spoken about so frequently. I am such a silly person! The fact that Jesus died for us is the greatest act of love our world has ever known and that SHOULD NEVER be taken for granted! But there was apart of this story that never rubbed me the right way. In Matthew 27:46, Jesus is on the cross and cries out saying "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" and it has been taught that God had to look away from His beloved son because of the sin that was on him. But that doesnt sound like my God. My God has taken me as I am, sin and all, He forgave me and took me into His arms. He has NEVER turned His back on me even in my lowest of lows. That's my God!
    So the speaker this week asked us to look at Psalm 22. This Psalm starts off with "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?" sound familiar? Now in that time, a Jewish boy would have had the Torah memorized, but if He showed promise then He would have been given the opportunity to memorize then ENTIRE Old Testament. Jesus displays His knowledge of the written Word many times throughout His life by saying "It is written.." So there is no reason He wouldnt know this Psalm.
    And in this particular Psalm, David prophesied Jesus death! In verses 16-18, David speaks of the piercing in Jesus' hands and feet and even the lots cast for His clothing!!!!! My mind can still not wrap around this! But directly after that, in verse 19, David says "But You, O Lord, be not far off; O my strength come quickly to help me". It is a promise, that God is NEVER far away and He is our strength! So by Jesus crying out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?!", He isn't crying out because God has turned His back on His son. No, He is reciting a Psalm of David. As my Savior hangs on the cross for my sins, HE SINGS! He praises God!
    So I dont know about anyone reading this, but my God loves me. And my God is not intimidated by the sin in my life. Therefore, my Jesus didnt hang on the cross, asking God why He turned His back on Him. My Jesus sang Him praises because He knew His Father was right there next to Him like He promised! MY SAVIOR HUNG ON A CROSS AND SANG! YAY GOD!
   

How Great Is Our God

       Hello everyone! I am so sorry about the lack of blog posts, for the past few weeks I have been locked out of my blog! I was so annoyed until I realized; mmmhhhh maybe ask God? And low and behold, I try to get on my blog and its up! I dont even have to sign in! YAY GOD!
       I will try to catch up on everything that has been happening, but these last few weeks have been CRAZY! We had our lectures on the Holy Spirit two weeks ago, and wow was that incredible! I was not raised going to church and the first church I have ever called my home was very conservative compared to what I have been experiencing here. So learning about the gifts of the Spirit confirmed the yearning in my heart. I was missing the Holy Spirit! I was going after God in all the wrong places! For me, I couldnt encounter Him in the sunday sermons at church or in my random prayers I would throw up either out of desperation or obligation. My soul needed to pursue Him, but I had no idea how! My relationship with God has changed so drastically since I have been here and I have learned that I am not afraid! I told myself I needed to be afraid of what God could do because every thing I had known taught me to be afraid of the Holy Spirit. But I am not afraid anymore! He is more than the "Holy Spirit", as someone close to me says "He is my old friend". My friend to guide, comfort, and empower me!
   As crazy as some of this might sound to people... oh well, its what happened! Our speaker anointed me in the Holy Spirit and prayed over me, but before that I asked God for the gift of tongues so that I may be able to worship Him when my words and my dance fails. And He gave it to me! He is such a loving God who just wants to lavish His gifts on us! After that, this man prophesied over us all and spoke so much truth it blew us away! God gave him words of knowledge for us and he spoke things over me I had never heard or thought about. Again God blew my expectations of what I would hear out of the water and awakened my heart to more dreams!
     That same week, I received healing!!! For any of those who dont know, I have been suffering from chronic illnesses and pain since I was 8 years old. God promised me healing while I was here and I got it! And as another testament to His GREAT love; He gave me a choice. He told me He could miraculously heal me that moment and I would never struggle again and be blessed. OR the healing could be a process in which He could show me so much more and I would be very blessed. My God is so intriguing, I couldnt resist knowing how much more He had to show me! So as I have been trying to reaffirm in my fellow eager YWAMers, is that I am healed! I may have my bad days, but they are never as bad as they have been because He is there! Because I am healed and He is teaching and molding me and my brothers and sisters here. Since I fully surrendered my body to Him, He has been showing me ways of working out and dancing that are good for me! And actually ease the pain! YAY GOD!
    God is so good! I am not even worthy of this suffering. I am not worthy of being used as an example and yet He uses me any way! As my body crumbles around me, He holds tight every piece and rebuilds me! Thank you God! Thank you Daddy!
   I will post more later about the following weeks. But I hope that my story hasnt freaked you out, but instead given you hope! Because our God is great! He is endlessly amazing in every way, and our praises for Him are not because of what He can do for us, but for WHO HE IS! YAY GOD!