I have really enjoyed writing these blog posts! It has been such a fun way to not only reflect on, but share what God has been doing in my heart here. I am grateful and blessed to have such an awesome outlet. But I was recently convicted on vulnerability. I am so good at being vulnerable about the things that I want to be vulnerable about, but what about all the things I hate to bring up? Those are the areas of my heart God has been after the most, and He is relentless.
His relentless love has brought me to this point of surrender; on my knees - at the foot of the cross. Because it is in the shadow of the cross that I find my freedom and it is in my Fathers arms where I find my comfort. There have been so many lies that have turned to chains that God has been gently tearing away from my heart. Lies that have been purposefully or accidentally spoken over me. Lies that I have spoken over myself.
Over this DTS I have been searching for Gods truth on everything, especially how He views me. And the biggest thing I have come to learn is that He LOVES me. I do not say this lightly. God LOVES me. His thoughts for me out number the grains of sand on every shore of the ocean - WOW! His love is sufficient to cover all of my sins and once He forgives me (which He always does) He does not bring it back up again. And He sees my heart, which He formed and molded in my mothers womb to be what He wanted me to be. If that idea doesn't make you shout YAY GOD then I don't know what will!
So He impressed it upon me, I am free! I am made whole! I am beautiful because the God of the heavens and the earth made me and He does NOT make anything that isn't beautiful. But now it is my choice to walk away from all of that. He has set my freedom before me and it is my choice to step into it. So many things I have been called in my life; sick, ugly, flirt, unworthy, liar, pointless... the list goes on and on but thats all it is a meaningless list I can choose to abide by or not. I am none of those things! I am a child of God!
So now that I have had this glorious revelation, I still have to continue to choose to step into it every day. I wish I could sit here and tell you that I have chosen to do that every day without failing, but that would be a lie. On the days that I don't I fall back into the same old behavior, the same deception, and the chains. Which is absolutely ridiculous because what soldier would choose to walk back into the hands of his captives after his side won the victory?
But God is good and He gives us what we need to break free. I don't have to be that same person who makes the same mistakes time and time again. And because He loves me, God gives me the second chance! He knows that I need to have that victory - the tangible memory that I stood up and chose freedom even in the face of all the lies! So He will continue to allow me to be tested; not because He is some cruel God in the sky who doesn't care about me, but because He is bragging about me! He looks at the devils pathetic attempts to drag me down and says "watch what my girl can do". That is my King! My King is a proud Father who will die on a cross to protect his little girl.
So after the lecture faze and right before outreach God is sending me out with the bold message of: I am His little girl. I choose freedom. I choose Him. YAY GOD!
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