A Lover of the Unloved

   The other night, I awoke from an unforgettable dream. The dream took place in a very poor hospital in a third world country. There was a young, sickly girl giving labor. When she gave birth, the little girl came out premature, and covered with sores. There was not a chance that this little girl would live especially with the lack of good health care. The mother of the young girl giving birth quickly placed the baby on the other side of the room in fear of getting her daughter sick. As soon as the child was set down on the table, I rushed over and gathered her into my arms. For the only hour of her life, I held her, sang to her, and prayed that this little girl would go straight back to her Fathers arms. I was helpless, but I could love.

   I couldn't shake the reality of that dying baby girl. I began to talk to God about what that dream meant. And I realized that God has called and is preparing me for doing things of that nature. Giving love to the ones who would live their entire lives, no matter the length, without love. I am not a doctor, I am not a politician, I am not a person of great influence, BUT I am a daughter of the King. And being that has taught me what real love is!

    Abba, You are good! We are unworthy of Your love and yet you lavish it on us! Daddy, I just want you. I look at this world and my heart breaks from all the pain and hurt; I cant even imagine how You feel. But I want too. I want to know Your heart. Teach my heart to love like You do and make me strong enough to do it. I cant do this without You and I definitely dont even want to try. Fill me up God, I am desperate for more of You. Amen. 

    

My Savior Sings!

   Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins. He took ALL of our sins upon Himself and allowed Himself to be shamed, beaten, and hung up on a cross. Why? Because He loves me!
   I feel like I take this story for granted, because it is spoken about so frequently. I am such a silly person! The fact that Jesus died for us is the greatest act of love our world has ever known and that SHOULD NEVER be taken for granted! But there was apart of this story that never rubbed me the right way. In Matthew 27:46, Jesus is on the cross and cries out saying "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" and it has been taught that God had to look away from His beloved son because of the sin that was on him. But that doesnt sound like my God. My God has taken me as I am, sin and all, He forgave me and took me into His arms. He has NEVER turned His back on me even in my lowest of lows. That's my God!
    So the speaker this week asked us to look at Psalm 22. This Psalm starts off with "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning?" sound familiar? Now in that time, a Jewish boy would have had the Torah memorized, but if He showed promise then He would have been given the opportunity to memorize then ENTIRE Old Testament. Jesus displays His knowledge of the written Word many times throughout His life by saying "It is written.." So there is no reason He wouldnt know this Psalm.
    And in this particular Psalm, David prophesied Jesus death! In verses 16-18, David speaks of the piercing in Jesus' hands and feet and even the lots cast for His clothing!!!!! My mind can still not wrap around this! But directly after that, in verse 19, David says "But You, O Lord, be not far off; O my strength come quickly to help me". It is a promise, that God is NEVER far away and He is our strength! So by Jesus crying out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?!", He isn't crying out because God has turned His back on His son. No, He is reciting a Psalm of David. As my Savior hangs on the cross for my sins, HE SINGS! He praises God!
    So I dont know about anyone reading this, but my God loves me. And my God is not intimidated by the sin in my life. Therefore, my Jesus didnt hang on the cross, asking God why He turned His back on Him. My Jesus sang Him praises because He knew His Father was right there next to Him like He promised! MY SAVIOR HUNG ON A CROSS AND SANG! YAY GOD!
   

How Great Is Our God

       Hello everyone! I am so sorry about the lack of blog posts, for the past few weeks I have been locked out of my blog! I was so annoyed until I realized; mmmhhhh maybe ask God? And low and behold, I try to get on my blog and its up! I dont even have to sign in! YAY GOD!
       I will try to catch up on everything that has been happening, but these last few weeks have been CRAZY! We had our lectures on the Holy Spirit two weeks ago, and wow was that incredible! I was not raised going to church and the first church I have ever called my home was very conservative compared to what I have been experiencing here. So learning about the gifts of the Spirit confirmed the yearning in my heart. I was missing the Holy Spirit! I was going after God in all the wrong places! For me, I couldnt encounter Him in the sunday sermons at church or in my random prayers I would throw up either out of desperation or obligation. My soul needed to pursue Him, but I had no idea how! My relationship with God has changed so drastically since I have been here and I have learned that I am not afraid! I told myself I needed to be afraid of what God could do because every thing I had known taught me to be afraid of the Holy Spirit. But I am not afraid anymore! He is more than the "Holy Spirit", as someone close to me says "He is my old friend". My friend to guide, comfort, and empower me!
   As crazy as some of this might sound to people... oh well, its what happened! Our speaker anointed me in the Holy Spirit and prayed over me, but before that I asked God for the gift of tongues so that I may be able to worship Him when my words and my dance fails. And He gave it to me! He is such a loving God who just wants to lavish His gifts on us! After that, this man prophesied over us all and spoke so much truth it blew us away! God gave him words of knowledge for us and he spoke things over me I had never heard or thought about. Again God blew my expectations of what I would hear out of the water and awakened my heart to more dreams!
     That same week, I received healing!!! For any of those who dont know, I have been suffering from chronic illnesses and pain since I was 8 years old. God promised me healing while I was here and I got it! And as another testament to His GREAT love; He gave me a choice. He told me He could miraculously heal me that moment and I would never struggle again and be blessed. OR the healing could be a process in which He could show me so much more and I would be very blessed. My God is so intriguing, I couldnt resist knowing how much more He had to show me! So as I have been trying to reaffirm in my fellow eager YWAMers, is that I am healed! I may have my bad days, but they are never as bad as they have been because He is there! Because I am healed and He is teaching and molding me and my brothers and sisters here. Since I fully surrendered my body to Him, He has been showing me ways of working out and dancing that are good for me! And actually ease the pain! YAY GOD!
    God is so good! I am not even worthy of this suffering. I am not worthy of being used as an example and yet He uses me any way! As my body crumbles around me, He holds tight every piece and rebuilds me! Thank you God! Thank you Daddy!
   I will post more later about the following weeks. But I hope that my story hasnt freaked you out, but instead given you hope! Because our God is great! He is endlessly amazing in every way, and our praises for Him are not because of what He can do for us, but for WHO HE IS! YAY GOD!

Shall We Dance?

   Have you ever felt like you were living the life of someone else? As if the person that you are that day, isnt you at all? I have felt like a wallflower; looking at the dancing going around me, but not dancing myself. That doesnt sound like me at all! 

   I imagine that I am at a ball and the most handsome man in the entire room walks up to me and asks "Shall we dance?" The excitement overwhelms me and my giddy squeals are inaudible. He is by far the best dancer ever, but I dont know His steps. I dont know how He leads, so I hesitate. My distrust means He cant guide me as He wants. But instead of giving up and trying to find another partner. He asks again, "Shall we dance?" The more I dance with Him, the more I trust. The more I dance, the more I learn the steadiness of His arms around me and the tender strength He uses to guide me. He is such a gentleman, asking me to dance instead of forcing me onto the floor. 

   He reaches out His hand and asks me that familiar question and I take a hold! Suddenly, I am dancing like I have never danced before! I dare not let go as He gracefully leads me across the room. He spins me and dips me; I turn with a purpose and leap across the room! Everyone is staring at this amazing dancer and I smile in awe because its the only thing I know to do. The room gets silent, because this dancer has taken their breath away and I am His endlessly lucky partner, getting to dance in the light He is exuding! My heart screams YAY GOD as I fall more in love with each step....

   I am no wallflower. I am not some timid girl who doesnt want to leap across the room with Jesus! That is not the dancer He made me, not at all! So I will take His hand and trust Him to teach me how to dance the dance He has planned for me. 

   My question to everyone reading this is, is God asking the same thing? Has the most handsome man in the room approached you and asked "Shall we dance?" 

   

Random Adventures thus far...

- tried Vegemite (i dont recommend it)
- went to the Gold Coast and lost one of my roomates
- went to Brisbane and lost another one of my roomates
- befriended a gecko named Jonah
- somehow got known around the base by my laugh... apparently i can be loud, who knew?!
- modeled in a medieval fashion show 
- got killed by a poisonous dart by an old lady in an Australian short film
- wake up monday, tuesday, and thursday at 5:50 for our 6am practices
- had to learn to let go when Jeffrey became the "Base Bear" 
- became addicted to "Tim Tam Slams"
- attempt to make a mocha each morning with nasty protein powder and instant coffee
- repeatedly fall off the top bunk in the mornings
- accidentally swung off like Tarzan once...
- flipped a coin onto my head
- got trapped on a train 
- saw my best friend in the entire world!
- tried and failed to do an Australian accent
- performed my first solo dance at a medieval festival
- died and streak of my hair red

more to come! YAY GOD!

Tulips and Oak Trees

    A lovely girl I dance with named, Amanda, taught me this little analogy. She said that everyone is a tulip or and oak tree. Sometimes, you are strong and can handle things on your own (like an oak tree) and sometimes you are delicate (like a tulip) and need someone to come along side you.
   I feel like a tulip today as God has asked me to surrender my family to Him. This has actually been something He has been consistently asking of me, but I haven't really been grasping what that means until recently.
   My family is everything to me. My parents have taught me almost everything I know; my brothers and sisters filled in the rest. There isn't a story worth telling that doesn't have one of them involved. They are my smile! Which is why my senior year was probably my hardest. My parents marriage was ending, roughly. And we were all hurting. The enemy just tore into us like I had never seen and before I knew it, my family didn't seem like my family anymore... But then came healing. I felt God telling me to move out of my parents house for my health because the stress was a little too much too handle. But our faithful God put me in the best place I could have imagined and He went to work mending my heart.
   This past year, I have seen Him do the same thing for my family as a whole and individuals. One of my favorite things about my family, is that we are survivors, but not every one has realized it yet. But they don't always see what I see in them; the people God has made them or is making them to be.
    My dad is the most persevering man I know. He has sacrificed everything for us and being "Daddy's little girl" is probably my most favorite role in the world. He is always there.
    My mama is the strongest woman I have ever known. Her way with people is so infectious and inspiring. On my weakest days, she was her strongest as she never stopped fighting for me. If I am half the woman she is, then I will consider myself immensely blessed.
  My big sisters are beautiful! And I don't just mean that they are outwardly breath-taking (which they are), but I mean in the sense that their HEARTS possess true beauty. They are strong like my mama and they are woman that you cant help to notice because there is something attractively different about them.
  And my brothers... oh my dear brothers. They are everything a sister could ever hope and want. These young men are passionate and bold; there ferocity for the things they love will stop every one in their tracks.

That is my family. That is the family that God created for me to have and I have a dream. I have a dream for my family that one day, we will come together again as more than just biological family, but as brothers and sisters in Christ! I dream we are standing together, fighting! Fighting for the things of God and purely for His glory! Whether its in the central valley of California, or the depths of an unreached nation; we are there fighting. My parents, divorced or not, have laid aside their differences and offer their unique talents and gifts for much more than this world can offer. My sisters tender hearts and strong voices speak out for those who don't have the freedom to speak at all. And my brothers, my brothers that are built to lead nations, are there! Being the leaders God has called them to be and leading the lost from the darkness. Our husbands/wives/children are with us, and we are all united as one team under God. And together, the Holy Spirit uses us to bring His love to those who have never experienced it!
    That may just be a childlike fantasy that a little girl who loves her family so much desires. However, this little girl, chooses to believe that it is her families calling! To be an oak when the other is a tulip. To submit ourselves as one unit over to the Holy Spirit so He can use us for much greater things then we could have ever imagined. That this time of healing, brings us closer than we could have ever known.
    So Lord, I trust You. I know in my heart of hearts that You are working in my family and drawing us all to You. You wont give up on us! You love them more than I ever could and You hear my cries. You hear my heart screaming "Not my family! We will not be broken!". And You have answered, You have answered with love, patience, and gentleness. Thank you for endlessly being our "oak tree". Thank you God, for taking my family into Your steady hands and not letting go. Amen.
 
 

Joyce

    Isnt it great how our God can take instances in your life and use it time and time again to teach you knew things? That is what I experienced this week with a memory from when I was a little girl.
    It was a Sunday morning and I woke up with a purpose. I went to my dad, still in my pjs, and told him that I wanted to make a card for our neighbor Joyce. Joyce, was not a nice lady. I remember her always yelling at me and my siblings for getting to close to her garden or being too loud during the day. But that morning, I KNEW that I needed to make her a card. So I did. It wasnt an astounding piece of art work in the least; just a little picture of the sun (probably with sunglasses on) and my sloppy, childlike writing that was  illegible. When I approached her door, I had no fear like the previous times in the past (we usually tried to avoid her at all costs). She answered fairly quickly and with a surprisingly kind smile, had me read my card out loud for her. As I looked up expecting a reaffirming smile at my brilliant diction, I saw instead that she was crying. She said to me "thank you so much for that card Paige, I really needed it today. You see, my mom died last night and I am really sad." My heart broke with the idea of anyone's mom dying and I did all I knew to do when someone was sad, I hugged her.
     On my way home, I was ecstatic! I knew God wanted me to write that card for her and I couldnt wait to tell my parents how nice she was! As fast as my "yittle yegs" and slippers would take me, I hurried home to my ever encouraging parents to tell them the story.
     Over the years this story and Joyce has come to mind. For the years after that day Joyce was nothing but nice to us! It was as if a completely new lady had moved in down the street! The change was evident and I never really understood until now. Whenever my dad told the story I would feel the excitement I had that day, knowing that I had done something right. I also patted myself on the back for being "such a sweet kid", but my perception of it was so closed off. The point of the story was not me being sweet or Joyce needing a hug of a child, it was about what God could do. God loves us all individually, but acts for the purpose of the whole community. Our God is so powerful that EVERYTHING He does ripples into more. Through the simple act of obeying His call to write a letter, He began the process of teaching me to hear His voice and taught me an important lesson of who He wanted me to be. And just as my parents were excited for their little girl, so was He - and I could feel it! But He didnt stop there, He melted the heart of an old woman and as far as I could tell, changed her life. It was a BEAUTIFUL act of our God that rippled into mine, my families, Joyces, and who knows how many others lives. That is the God who created us! A God, that comforts you in the least expected ways, that melts your heart with His love, and guides us with His voice. YAY GOD!

Thank you Lord for Your love! A love that never ceases to have a rippling affect! Thank you Father, for always, outrageously loving your children! Amen.